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I can haz Doujinshi?...[translation please?]

Ok, So, it's near 11 o clock.

I was browsing the web.

And I came across a little something they call "Doujinshi".
What is "Doujinshi", you ask?
I guess I shall tell you.
It's basically fanfic for Anime and Manga.

[Caution: If you are a non-appreciative person of Anime or Manga, I warn you, do not read on.]

Now, people LOVE anime. But . . . how far are they willing to go with this stuff? Now, some of this doujinshi can get pretty graphic. BUT there's another little thingy tied to Doujinshi. It's called Shojo-ai and Shonen-ai.

[Caution: If you are a straight guy or straight girl, and are discriminative against anything REMOTELY homosexual or bisexual, I STRONGLY urge you to NOT read on. Please. And thank you(: ]

Shonen-ai (I'm quite a fan myself) is literally translated into "boy love". Shonen-ai is the cute little stuff like hand-holding, kissing, cuddling. But there's a darker side to it, which is down below.

Shojo-ai, is  translated into "girl love". It also follows the same homosexual categories as Shonen-ai. Except of course, starring chicks. There is also a very darker side.

[Caution: Now, I know you're probably getting tired of this, but for the viewers sake... IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH PREMATURE EJACULATION DO NOT PURSUE. You'll just jizz all in your pants. But with all seriousness, what's coming up is a very INTERESTING topic. If you are very accepting to homosexual lifestyles, then yes, you may read on!]

Shonen-ai has a darker side, and that side is called Yaoi. Now, yes, yaoi does include holding hands and all that lovey doevey hooplah, but yaoi also contains gay sex. Yes, dick-rubbing-dick action here, people. I am a fan to the not-so-vicous-and-pervy side of Yaoi. Like, say they cuddle naked. I think it's absolutely adorable.

Shojo-ai's darker side is called Yuri. Yes, kitty-on-kitty action. This, I do not really find pleasure in. But the story lines are unique and quite adorable and romantic. I wouldn't see myself enjoying it, but I do have bisexual friends and lesbian friends who like to watch it. I usually fast-forward past the nakedness and stick with the actual story.

But yes, I do have a link where you can find this stuff. This has got to be the best website ever for it. I just discovered it today. The good thing is, only like 5 minutes to register and it's totally non-profit(free).

Here you go: Best Damn Yaoi/Yuri Site!!!

What's wrong with me? Am I a...monster?

Geez. Like, what the hell is wrong with me? Is this the real me? I feel so blah. Like, this isn't me. I know it isn't. What's wrong with me??!

All my life, I've been crazy. Like, [hyped-up-on-cocaine-and-X] crazy. (I'd like to clarify that I've never done either drugs.) But, at this particular age, it's like I've finally reached the climax. I sometimes want to scream "WTF?!" My life is so overrated. First of all, I'm [cr]ucking [f]azy.

Secondly, I don't know what to say out of my [bleep]ing mouth. I just go all out and say the weirdest shit. My mind has issues. I have issues. I'm tooo weird. The weirdness, I like. But it's the issues I can't deal with. Sometimes, I wish I couldn't talk at all. Then people would have no way to judge me or my thoughts, because I wouldn't be speaking them. But I always could just type them. (pure example).

Now, the mouth-speech-thingy also ties into my relationship somewhat. A well conversation with Sean and I usually ends up in a fairly sarcastic argument. And...I can't help that. Well, I could. But my brain won't function. I'm telling it to walk left, and it's trying to race to the right. It's definately like those 2 magnetic poles. North and South. Well, me trying to communicate with my brain is like trying to rub south and south together. [and something about that sentence made me think about yuri for some odd reason...]

So we have the worst arguments EVER. But I'm sure you're not on here to read about my relationship. You read the subtitle.

IM A MONSTER. rawr♥. But no seriously,  I think I have an issue. Bye.


[Self-Quote of the Day: What's the possibility of my inside soul getting consumed by a sinister force?]

Tech-Metal

Pop music is suckish.

Jazz is...meh...it's okaaaay.

I'm a sucker for classical.

Oh metal? Yeah, that's the great stuff. "Music for the aggressive" is what some call it. I call it soul music. Tough stuff. Music that gets my anger out without me doing some stupid stuff. It's the perfect mix for any person jacked up on adrenaline. You can thrash, hop around, curse, scream, yell, cry, get crazy, then you can go nuts with the solos. Whethere they're drum solos, or guitar solos. It's the ultimate experience. Also, it's the kind of music you can blast in your ears. Everyone will stare, but will you care when they ask you to turn it down? Hell no. You'll be too busy jamming it out.

Techno is also a good kind of genre to move to. It raise your heartbeat and you can zone out and just empty your mind. All the trance-hypnotic beats flood your brain and you're "no longer available" for the moment. It's good rage music. You don't have to talk, there're no lyrics to cling to, and it's just constant patterns of droning and thrumming and it fills your body. It's like, when the bass is bumping, it's your heart beating so it makes you feel alive. All you can do is close your eyes and move your body until you're not even you.

Rae's Dream...

When I woke up, I remembered the dream. It was only slightly, but I still remembered it.

I felt like something heavy was on me. Something was pulling on my shoulders.

Like at a swimming pool on a hot summer, someone jumping on your back and pulling you down in the water, but you don’t know who. When I woke up, there was a presence in my room that soon faded after a while. Like some person was standing there watching me sleep. Feeding thoughts into my head. It was all weird. Throughout the whole dream, I could touch myself in reality too. I rolled over once, careful to keep my hands together. Rolled over twice, moved a bit. The dream was weird too. I had an instant control over anybody and I could make them do exactly what I wanted them to do, just by telling them. Then I woke up, hot, sweaty, unsure of what reality was and what was a dream. I felt lost. Like, something was pulling me back into the dream world, but I decided to stay in the real world.

Call me crazy, but, I would like to go back to that experience. The control over the people in my dream was relentless. The power. I still remain weak at this moment. I’ll find a way though…I’ll find a way.

Patience...

I’ve figured out my definition of life. It’s something that we go through, just to get to the end, we suffer, we wait.
When we’ve reached the point to where we have nothing left to say, not a word to utter.
Nothing left to feel, for we are senseless,
That is when life is truly over.
But many people misunderstand that feeling with the feeling of depression.
Some mope around and don’t say anything, and pretend not to feel anything because they want life to be over. They are getting a sick feeling of sadness. It’s like a vine.
Or more like a vein. It starts off at a huge point in their lives. Then it gets thinner, and thinner, and it leafs off into more parts of them. I feel so very sorry for those who cannot rid themselves of depression. And those who are happy claim that it’s easy. I’ll tell you it’s not. You need another setting to attend to. New people, new place, new world. They need a place to be comfortable. It was quite quick for me to get over my depression. So does that mean I was even depressed in the first place? It might. It might not. All I know is how I was feeling. How I wanted to be. Who I was. Who I was dealing with. I took bullshit from just about anybody who would lay it out to me. I took it and I let it sink in until finally it took grasp of my throat and started to squeeze. I felt suffocated. My situation: Sitting in a dusty room. Small television. Nothing to watch. Bored. Ate whenever I was bored. The room was dark. Dimly lit, I should say. I was home alone most of the days, it was usually rainy. It was a quite depressing neighborhood seeing I lived there with my mom and younger brother. It was a new subdivision and our house was one of three. 2 old people lived in one and a retarded man in the other. Yeah, life there was just grand. Eventually, I cut myself. More, and more, and more. I bled out the loneliness, I bled out the pain. Hell yes, it hurt, but it was comforting. My situation now: Better neighborhood. Sun shining in my room constantly. New friends. An actual, living, breathing, next door neighbor boyfriend. Better school. Nicer, more, open people. As you can tell the difference, it’s pretty big. I feel better now. I haven’t even thought about bringing a razor to my skin. Although I did suffocate myself here, it wasn’t for long and I was just being stupid and taking a situation out of control. So as you can see, when life is painful, it is supposed to be painful. You are supposed to be patient and wait for the road to end, even if it is horrible and sad and tragic. It will end. But the sun will still shine, others will still live, and peace with still stay within the hearts of others. You should go through life, go through the tears, go through the pain, and even if it gets fucked up a tiny bit, you should wait and see what kind of tragic (or beautiful) ending life has to offer. No, I’m no talking you out of suicide or saying you shouldn’t consider. I’m saying, patience is a virtue and when you wait, trudge through life, close some doors and walk through some open ones, the wait could possibly change your life.

Life?

What’s the meaning of life? Is it a simple, common necessity that is mainly needed among the living?
Of course the definition of life is to live. You could say that for some people. Yeah, I’ve been one of those types of people who hate it. Hell, I’ve even tried to terminate my own. Who has the time to deal with a living, breathing individual like myself? And many people ask, “Oh no, why? Why? Why do you wish to take your own life, you have so much to live for.” Oh really? Have you really been inside my head and thought what I’ve thought, felt what I’ve felt and diminished the harsh feelings only for them to grow back another day? Simple-soul hearts can only take so much pain before it comes crushing down and strangling the life of thee. But, as you can see, I have failed at even attempting it because I am a coward. Death. It scares me. The mere thought makes me tremble and sweat as though it is pointing a gun at my throat and about to release a silver-kissed bullet through my trachea. Death is the only reason I haven’t killed myself. I am also afraid at the thought of losing breath. Breathing calms me down. It calms my senses. It helps me live and work. But if I can’t breathe anymore than I’m incapable of thinking and I panic. I’ve tried suffocation, doesn’t work. Self-mutilation: I’ve done to the point of pain, not death. I just wanted to feel the sting. Not take my life. But, what makes a soul want to continue living? Those who succeed in killing themselves had no true soul to begin with. They were hurt from the beginning ‘til the sorrowed end. But even at my times when I say I can do it, I can’t. My soul is my drug. I stick the needle in my skin and a luscious liquid flows through my veins. Of course, there is pain but it only hurts for a little while, then a rush of blood flows through me once more. But, if we could just close our eyes, and never wake up, still breathe, still see, still hear the wonders of life and all, I’d have killed myself a long, long time ago.


[Shakespeare: Shall I believe that unsubstantial death is amorous and that the lean abhorred monster keeps thee here in dark to be his paramour?]

Starring..ME!

So, I'm not necessarily going to bore into your mind with my endless speech about hating life and everything and everyone in it. Lest we say that I'm going to be informing about the "wonders" of life and what is causing us to continue it. Unless you're dead... O_o ...


rawr. Okay, I'm through with that. So, about your blogmaster(me)...my name, my identity, my everything shall be protected. Everything except for my mind and what i think and what I feel.

So how am I feeling right now? You could say that I'm bored. I just started this blog and I'm kind of new and fresh to the whole thing, any pointers?

Just let me know. For now, my good friend, I will edit this bastard of a blog and begin my master plan to rule the world with my point of view. In fact, my point of view is going to be so undergroud that it'll be overground. I'm not boasting. Just saying, if you want to share this with others, that'd be whoop-de-damn-do great, mmmkay?

Thanks much, kiddo.


Okay, I'm gone for now. Going to check out the mods I can do with this baby and see if I can do some cool stuff with this thingy-ma-jigger.

Bye.



[Lyric of the Day]: I found a reason for me, to change who I used to be, a reason to start over new, and the reason is YOU.